A Lack of Color

It’s very unusual for Michael not to show up for work. My guess, he’s either deeply depressed or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain. He has this terrible habit of standing directly underneath them. And staring up at them. And I always say, “Michael, take two steps back and stare at the icicle from the side.” And he’s like, “no, I like the way they look from standing directly underneath them.” It was only a matter of time.

Dwight K. Schrute

Why do I enjoy the worst shows?  I’m addicted to smut. The Hills, The City, Laguana Beach, The Real World, and now A Double Shot at Love. Perhaps it’s an addiction to reality shows.  Really, really bad reality tv shows.  Or perhaps it’s because I deserve my own reality tv show and I’m just jealous.

Never stop making A Shot at Love.

Dwight Schrute: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he’s the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

First rule in roadside beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “Wow. I need this beet right now.”

Those are the money beets.

Andy: Well, there is that test I can give you.

Maggie: What test?

Andy: The racism test they give you when you join the Council to make sure you’re not a racist.

Maggie: I’ve never heard of it.

Andy: Yeah, do you want to do it? Just ten questions– You’ve got to answer totally honestly, okay? Just realax, you’ve got nothing to worry about… unless you are a racist… Okay, question one: Who would rather see with their shirt off? Brad Pitt or Sir Trevor McDonald?

Maggie: Brad Pitt, obviously.

Andy: Obviously?

Maggie: What?

Andy: I can’t say anything until the end. Right, question two. This is about racial awareness, cause often you catch out a real racist because they don’t know or care about any black issues. Who is the prime minister of Great Britain?

Maggie: Tony Blair.

Andy: Correct. Who is the Prime Minister of Namibia?

Maggie: (stressed) I don’t know…

Andy: Ooh, you knew the white one… Okay, um, oh dear… Who is the Queen of England?

Maggie: Queen Elizabeth II.

Andy: Correct. Who is the President of Djibouti?

Maggie: Oh, this is ridiculous! I’ve never even heard of blubbin’ Djibouti!

Andy: Oh! Please do not ridicule the totally valid African language, please. Alright, next question. Who would you rather have waiting for you when you get home tonight: Johnny Depp or OJ Simpson?

Maggie: Johnny Depp, because of the murder thing.

Andy: Because of the murder thing? I think you’ll find that OJ Simpson was acquitted, but in your eyes because he’s black, he’s still guilty.

Wow I’ve been lazy lately and haven’t posted in awhile. Final exams and midterms took over my life.  I’m going through the Extras series and above is a quote that brings tears to my eyes. Brilliant.