Agree/disagree: Cabinet appointments don’t turn private parts into public parts. Agree? You’re safe to read on. Disagree? Read on with caution. What you read may change your mind.
Call it an affair of the trophy fish. Dashing Maxime Bernier –40-plus, single, cabinet minister — and photogenic Julie Couillard — 30-plus, unattached, former wife of a bike-club member — thought they would look good mounted on each other’s walls. Ms. Couillard seemed to think so longer than Mr. Bernier, who eventually concluded that whatever a former vroom-vroom demimonde taking the fast lane to Parliament Hill may do for his libido, she wasn’t doing it for his press. First things first. After Canada’s foreign minister realized that Ms. Couillard’s assets within her decolletage weren’t necessarily career-enhancing, she suddenly found it difficult to have her phone calls returned.
At least, so one gathers from what she has told the media.
The aftermath of the affair became a circus, with the ex-minister’s ex-girlfriend repeatedly described as a “biker’s moll” in the press. Rubbish. It’s none of our business, anyway, but it would be more accurate to call Ms. Couillard a “police informer’s moll.” Mr. Bernier’s predecessors in Ms. Couillard’s bedroom did what the authorities always urge citizens to do: They gave evidence against “organized crime.” One boyfriend, Gilles Giguere, actually gave his life for law and order. He was murdered while waiting to testify against Hells Angels.
It’s difficult to give evidence against “organized” crime, or even disorganized crime, without first rubbing shoulders with it. Mother Teresa wouldn’t know much about Hells Angels. All the same, witnesses for the prosecution (a. k. a. rat-finks in some circles) are the good guys — at least, that’s what the authorities usually tell us. Ms. Couillard subsequently married and divorced a Rockers bike club member, Stephane Sirois, who also became a witness for the prosecution.
Ms. Couillard’s next-in-line boyfriend, Robert Pepin, had been convicted of possessing stolen goods, but he later killed himself in what may have been an act of remorse. If so, he acted on an emotion that would be alien to many members of parliament. Although news stories and columns persist in calling Ms. Couillard a woman who associated with “men of questionable background,” I suggest that this happened when she turned her attention from remorseful snitches to remorseless politicians.
Some columnists wrinkle their noses. “I know of no precedent for a former biker girlfriend being introduced to the U. S. President on the diplomatic circuit,” Norman Spector commented. I say U. S. presidents can take it. Presidents are being introduced to characters more dubious than former biker girlfriends every day. I don’t have Mr. Spector’s experience with diplomatic circuits, but I know biker’s molls better than he does. I’ve taken enough motorcycle racing teams to Daytona in my younger years to say that the average biker’s moll — we used to call them Hog Mammas or pit-popsies –is a veritable moral paragon compared to some people one meets at diplomatic circuits. Not to mention fundraising events.
On Ms. Couillard’s story, which hasn’t been refuted or even challenged so far, she exerted a salutary influence on the men in her life. She claims to have prevailed upon her husband, Mr. Sirois, to turn a new leaf. Whether she attempted to do as much for Mr. Bernier isn’t known but, unlike Mr. Sirois, the Foreign Minister would have seen no need for turning any new leaves. The surf was up, and he was riding a perfect wave. Wiping out was the farthest thing from his mind.
When it was time to say good-bye, Mr. Bernier did so, leaving some of his stuff behind. Lovers may do this either because they’re looking for an excuse to come back, or because they’re in a real hurry to get out. Most lovers aren’t foreign ministers, of course, and the stuff they leave behind isn’t classified. The stuff the Foreign Minister left behind was. It cost him his job; maybe even his career.
Too bad — but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
As David Asper pointed out in these pages, the same oversight in a minister’s marital home would probably have little or no consequences, which may be a good argument for ministers marrying at the first opportunity, especially if they’re forgetful types. Or handcuffing themselves to their briefcases. (“Ouch, sorry. I know this is awkward, honey, but think of the perks.”)
Is this a scandal with any substance? Is it even a scandal? Not if you ask me. Appointment to high office doesn’t de-sex men or women. In free, urbane societies — the only kind worth living in — single ministers have affairs with whoever attracts them. Can’t blame the Opposition for foaming at the mouth — the poor things have nothing going for them, except for whatever goodies obliging Tories may stick in their election baskets — missteps, gaffes, genuine wrongdoings, anything. Stephane Dion’s troops are full of hot air without any balloons, so any chance to pump up a molehill into a mountain is a godsend. But for the media to fall for this?
Please. It’s a joke.
www.nationalpost.com
